“Even people I’ve known for so long soon become strangers to me. People change and grow tired of having you in their life. I’m my own best friend. It’s sad, but it is what it is.”—Megan Fox (via meganfoxxxdaily)
I feel like I’m going to have such a hard time when I move. I went home the other night and it’s just so comforting. I won’t have that feeling of security anymore. Since I’m always on the go, I mainly keep to myself, and I don’t have a boyfriend… My home is the only sense of comfort I have.
It's crazy how one person can change your entire life.
I thank you for all of it. You changed me, you molded me, you helped me grow, you watched me age, you are the reason I am who I am.
Granted, there have been other people along the way that have been minor stepping stones, but you are the reason for my being.
When I was with you… I thought I was so in love. But I wasn’t. I loved you, I still love you. But I love you as a person, as a human being, and for the things that you’ve done for me and the lessons you’ve taught me.
I’ve never hated someone so much and loved them at the same time. I’ve never been so infatuated with someone, yet so disgusted. I’ve never forgotten about someone, but thought about them so much.
You are the reason I speak ill will of love. You are the reason I can’t fall in love. The reason I won’t let myself. You are the reason I don’t trust.
You seem to be the epitome of everything bad in my love life, but at the same time.. You have been such a benefit.
Because of you, I refuse to settle for less.. With anything in life. Because of you, I want to live my single life and explore what the world has waiting for me. Because of you, I never settled down at such a young age and was “trapped,” living a life that I was forced to live and love.
When I miss you, I miss our connection. That’s it. That’s all I want from someone. I don’t want the world on a platter. I just want someone to give me that feeling you did. The unexplainable connection.
The feeling like nothing else mattered. The feeling of security, warmth, and protection. The feeling that I got ten minutes after you left. I want that connection with someone again.
I blame you for my wild and crazy ideas… Because you always made me feel like they were worth something. I blame you for my insipiration to write… Because the good and the bad always sparked something I wanted to share with the world. I blame you for my determination to explore.. After all the bad, I wanted to see what good is left in the world. I blame you for my motivation to keep pushing myself to be the best that I can be in life… Because I was always in competition with every other girl that I had to be the best. I blame you for guarding my heart wisely and not letting my guard down for anyone.. Because you helped build that wall.
I’m over you. I’ve been over you. This post seems like it’s all about YOU, but it’s not. It has everything to do with me. As a person. The way I feel about life and love. However, you were my base for it all. Without you, this wouldn’t be possible.. And for that, I thank you. Readers’ eyes will pass over this, some will know who I’m referring to, others will wonder… In the end, it doesn’t make a difference who it’s about, because it all ends up with me being who I am and wanting the things I want out of life.
Goodbyes have become too easy. Hellos no longer please me. So consumed in work and school. Sometimes I wish I played the fool. Because at least they can fall in love. Knowledge keeps me one step ahead, but heart keeps them ten steps above. And this always tends to be topic of conversation. I’ve never been in love, but I speak its name with no hesitation. Always giving my two cents, throwing around my thoughts and views. But who am I trying to kid, I’m no expert. I’m no different than you. Yet there’s one tiny difference, it’s your ability to show affection. To reciprocate with a partner, trust, love, and protection. I always say I’d never speak loves name again, I vowed it. So now all I can do is write a mediocre rhyme about it. And if this rhyme was a rap, and I was a cypher… I’d be trying to get my last verse in. But I’m not. I’m just another average girl, trying to learn to love, but remains a cold, cruel person.
"Don’t hold on too long cause thats how them stories start out. And to all the ones that played me eat your muthafuckin heart out. Always gone but never hard to find, and since you can’t escape me, do I ever cross your mind? Because all this shit is new to me, I’m learning to behave, and still spending every dollar. They encourage me to save, but I’m good. I know that niggas would kill for this lifestyle, I’m looking forward to the memories of right now. Never forgetting from where I came. And no matter where I’m headed, I promise to stay the same."
It’s funny to go through life and see people being selfish and not caring about the random people around them… Yet this morning, I saw the homeless lady that everyone shuns and she was feeding her sandwich to the birds. She barely has anything, and the little that she does, she gives away.