As much as I would love to be, let’s face the facts.
I’m young. I like having fun. I’m on a mission to make money. I’m trynna finish up my education. I don’t like answering to someone.
I just don’t want commitment right now. Fuck. It has it’s ups and downs, but when it’s all laid out on the table.. I’m meant to be single. Hands down.
I always find myself scolding her and telling her things like “do this right, do your homework, pay attention in school, don’t have sex.” blah blah blah. I wonder if she actually listens. All I want for her is to do good in life. I want her to be smart, go to college, and get a good job. I don’t want her to make big mistakes and fail in life. I know she’ll have to make her own mistakes and go through things on her own, but I dont want her to make mistakes that are irreversible or too deep to come back from. Ugh.
Sometimes I wish I wasn’t so insatiable and so hard to please.
If you get hurt, I can’t take all the blame. When you jump into something when you’re not ready, don’t expect shit to go smoothly.
That I want to be someone’s past, present, and future. I’m sick of trying to pick up the pieces where others have left off. I want to be able to start fresh and new. To be able to be loved and love someone who has never loved before me. That all seems nearly impossible.
They make me feel like I could fall in love with an equally weird and awkward person as me. That it could be a goofy, fun, and crazy love.
It’s half past midnight and the moon is at it’s peak
Waiting for me to speak
To look at him for comfort and relief
To say what’s on my mind
To tell him my emotions are a hidden treasure he needs to search and find
I tell him I’ll stay for just a little while
Then I flash him a wink and playful smile
And before he can attempt to get the words to flow out of my mouth
I give him one last look before I slip into that house
Into a room unfamiliar but none the less comforting
For a feeling unexplainable; what has he done to me?
My heart beats faster almost to it’s limit
Then I calm myself down cause I’ll only be here for a minute
But I look at the clock and now it’s three in the morning
It’s time for me to leave but not without fair warning
But he holds me a little tighter and I stay I’ll stay a tad bit longer
And he kisses me so sweetly and the urge is getting stronger
In those moments all I want to do is lay with him forever
This feeling, so tangible, I don’t want it to be just something to remember
It’s as if he’s found my internal instructions
He knows every button to push to make me function
Nothing in life is perfect, except maybe this feeling
Which I try to keep from showing, so I spend time concealing
I can’t have him know everything about me
Because even I, sometimes tend to doubt me
And as good as it feels, I look at the logic of it all
My heart wants to give in, but my mind says don’t fall
Don’t fall to the foolishness of emotions
You’re heart is a wound that can’t stay open
It needs to be guarded, because it can’t think on it’s own
The heart falls victim into any feeling unknown
I’m attempting to seduce a man who’s been defending another country
A battle I could possible lose if this man no longer wants me
However, I’m still fighting the battle at this point in time
I’m willing to go beyond and behind enemy lines
To get what I want and rightfully deserve
Despite the fact that my heart and mind differ
I’m taking a risk to fall and not be caught
I’m willing to stay down and not be picked up
Because this feeling is something I don’t want to go astray
And I’ll stick with this feeling, come what may
But I’ve become too pensive and lost in my mind
I snap back to reality and look at the time
As I creep out into the dawn and see the painted pink clouds
The birds break the silence and the atmosphere gets loud
All around me, the entire sky is as bright as can be
There’s no sun in sight, but the moon’s still watching me.
I really don’t know if I can deal with that. Living in the shadow of your past. That’s just not my steeze.
I usually don’t ever think like that… But being fucked up always feels so good.
Quite possibly too good to be true… Something’s gotta be wrong.
A part of me wants to believe you’re a one woman man… And another part of me has a feeling you’re not..
And I keep replaying what you said in my head…
“If you’re my lady, you’re gonna be my lady. And I don’t give a fuck what anyone says.”