I’ve been talking about it for so long, but this island really has nothing to offer.
I’m not going to be like the 95% of kids who get stuck here. They either get pregnant and get stuck. Or stay with their parents till they’re 30 years old. I don’t want to be like the rest of the people here who are stuck struggling just to get by. Who won’t know what it’s like to own your own home till they’re 40 years old. Who go to school, spend all that money, and get a degree only to work the same minimum wage job they’ve been working for years.
I mean, there’s nothing wrong with that it that’s the life you choose to live…. But I just don’t see that being the life for me. I plan on finishing up school, actually getting the career I’ve been planning on getting, and starting my life before I’m 28. And all of that can’t happen here.
I’m just sick of the same people doing the same old things. Like what direction are you heading in?
I know I’m still young, and I should be wild & free & crazy. But in this state, you have to save everything you have and work 10x harder just to try and make it for the lowest of low.
I’m tired of just talking about my dreams and ambitions. It seems like that’s all I ever see, hear, and say is “I’m gonna be successful.” but now, it’s time to take my plan into effect and make it happen.
I used to be so confident. I used to be the one who didn’t give a shit because I was always “the chase.” I don’t mean that in a cocky way, but I never really cared about anyone.. So it didn’t matter whether or not they stuck around. I dated around as convenience, not so much because I cared for someone.
Now that I finally have someone that I really do love and care about.. I find myself insecure, jealous, and overprotective sometimes. I know those aren’t great traits. I mean, I do trust my boyfriend, no doubt about it. It’s more of a feeling like maybe I’m not good enough. It’s not something worth arguing or breaking up for, but sometimes, I just feel like he’s such a good catch. He’s the greatest guy I’ve ever met. I mean, he’s the one I plan on spending the rest of my life with… I guess since I put him on such a high pedestal, I feel like there’s someone who’s just as great as him that will steal him away from me, lol. It sounds so dumb, but it’s true.
I guess that’s why I always feel bad when we get into arguments. I’ve also put aside so much of the things I’ve come to know and learn for him. I feel bad because he thinks I’m blaming him for changing myself, but I’m not. Yeah, sometimes I get frustrated because it’s like I’m doing so many things I’m not used to doing… But I want to do them. It’s a little crazy. You would think, “you shouldn’t have to change for someone you love.” And it’s not that he doesn’t accept me, because he does everything for me and loves me 200%.. But I just want to give him the best of me.
And to anyone who knows what it’s like to go for something you really want, you can go as hard as you possibly can and still feel like you could always do more.. At least, that’s how I feel.
It’s such a weird feeling, but I want nothing but to be a better person and to be everything he needs and wants in life. It’s crazy. Never ever thought I’d be this girl..
It’s funny to see how much my blog entries have changed.. But I’m happy. I can just only hope that he’s just as happy and full of love as I am..
I seriously need to get out of here. This state is so depressing. It’s so expensive to live, and not right for the dreams and goals I had set for myself from so long ago. I was planning to at least be renting a place of my own by the time I’m 22. In Hawaii, it’s nearly impossible! People live with their parents till they’re 30 years old because everything is so expensive. And those who don’t, either had help from their parents to pay for their own place, are renting something that a family member of theirs already owns, or is struggling to fit 2-3 people in a studio.
I hate this. I don’t plan on living under someone for the rest of my life. Or even till I’m 25. I want to be out. I want to be doing my own thing. I need to get away and make money.. Then come back. Cause this shit just ain’t happening.